Child custody and contact arrangements

Where should a discussion about custody begin?

Begin with the child’s needs and current circumstances. Explain who provides day-to-day care, where the child lives, their schooling, health and relationships, and what has changed. A useful proposal should address how arrangements will work in the child’s daily life.

Terms such as custody, access and contact are often used loosely. Be clear about the decision in dispute: the main home, time with a parent, school choices, travel or communication. These questions may need different advice and should not be reduced to which adult feels entitled to win.

Our main child custody, contact and maintenance guide explains the broader service. This page focuses on preparing workable care and contact proposals.

What should a practical parenting arrangement cover?

The right arrangement depends on the child and the family. Points to discuss may include:

• Ordinary school-week routines and overnight stays.
• Weekends, school holidays and significant family occasions.
• Collection, return, transport and responsibility for travel costs.
• Telephone or video contact when a parent lives elsewhere.
• Sharing school and medical information where appropriate.
• Notice of proposed changes and how disagreements will be addressed.
• Any safety concern affecting handovers or unsupervised contact.

Make the proposal specific enough to avoid repeated misunderstandings. A child’s age, health, schooling and practical travel constraints should inform the discussion. Where there is abuse, intimidation or another risk, tell your lawyer privately before agreeing direct negotiations or a meeting.

What if there is already an agreement or court order?

Provide the full document and explain what is happening in practice. Identify which parts are working, which are not and whether circumstances have changed. Do not assume that an informal change automatically replaces the legal effect of an existing order.

If a parent is not following an arrangement, record dates and specific events calmly. Advice can address the options for clarification, negotiation or an appropriate court application. The correct course depends on the terms of the order, the evidence and the child’s circumstances.

A disagreement about payments should not be treated as automatically settling contact rights. Financial support and care arrangements need their own assessment. Read maintenance and financial provision for the financial questions.

How does this work when a parent lives abroad?

Give the countries involved, the child’s usual home and details of any foreign proceedings or orders. Long-distance arrangements may need to address school holidays, travel consent, supervision, costs and reliable communication.

A proposed holiday is different from a permanent relocation. Check the legal position before booking or agreeing a move, especially if there is an existing order or disagreement. If a child may be removed or has not returned, see urgent child removal and retention advice and contact the office promptly.

How should I prepare for an initial review?

Write a short chronology and a practical proposal. Gather relevant orders, agreements, care records and messages about arrangements. Focus on concrete events and the child’s needs, including any evidence that does not support your preferred outcome.

Do not coach a child or place them under pressure to provide evidence. Discuss how information about the child’s wishes and circumstances should appropriately be handled. The work required, potential court process and costs can be considered once the issues are clear.

Turn a parenting proposal into a practical weekly plan

Describe the ordinary school week, weekends, holidays, travel and communication. Identify handover locations, transport responsibility and how parents will communicate about changes. Include education and health arrangements relevant to the child’s needs.

Separate what already works from what is disputed. If a proposal depends on a parent’s shift pattern, overseas travel or another caregiver, explain that dependency. Existing orders and any safety concerns must be considered before changing arrangements.

A written proposal can make discussion more focused, but should not be presented as a binding order or implemented contrary to an existing order without advice. Ask which terms need legal review and how any agreement should be recorded.

Related guidance

• Custody and maintenance legal services
• Child maintenance
• Urgent child travel concerns